Wednesday, January 02, 2008

new year - new level of stupidity lol

ok so I fitted some new windscreen washers last Saturday as the current ones were a bit rank. Now bear with me on this one and pay attention at the back.

So this afternoon I'm heading out to my parents for a New Year dinner. Get to the car, unlock and climb in. So far so good. Stick the key in the ignition turn and crank the motor. Except nothing happens. Well the power drops from the dash and everything goes dark. So I try again except this time I have a terrible sinking feeling in my stomach. Something new happens. I get this intense clicking noise from the engine bay, somewhere near the gearbox where you might expect to find a starter motor. Aw pish :(

So a quick phone call to a mechanic mate who suggests rocking the car back and forward in gear. Still nothing. So leaving the car in gear I try and crank the motor. Nothing. Absolutely no forward movement. Starter motor is not engaging at all.

Immobiliser is disarmed so there is power for the dash etc. All fans are turned off to conserve what power is left. So I'm parked in a bay with a slight uphill slope to the road which is itself on a hill. Sadly my AA cover does not include the Home Start so no help there. If I can get the car into the road then it's good to go for a bump start. After much swearing, grunting and a bit of wind release in distress, I inform my mechanic friend I can't move the car on my own. He then proceeds to call me a skinny wimp of useless strength and generally mock me. While I'm the first to admit that might be completely accurate and given I was at a low emotional level at the time it wasn't the best pep talk I could have heard.

As luck would have it some random bloke was walking by and after a holler the both of us started to push this frigging dead weight. We got it halfway with much ado but could not keep our feet to get the car all the way. Queue 2nd random person walking by who gets hollered and the three of us push this ungratefull lump of metal into the road. So now I'm facing uphill with about 50 metres of clear road behind me. Check it's clear, no bodies around and no other cars. Hand brake off and pop it into reverse and let the fecker roll back. Let the clutch up and **BOOM** it fires into life! A couple of prods on the gas pedal and it's definitely alive.

After thanking my helpers I pulled over to the side of the road and let the car idle for a bit. Couple of quick calls to tell folks it's alive and I'm on my way. So after a bit of idling I drive round to a big downhill and stop just after the brow. Turn off the engine and then deep breath and crank the motor. Spins like a good 'un and we're off. Drove to parents and the car restarted for the journey home nae bother.

Er right, remember I said about the washer jets??? Well on Saturday the car wasn't parked in an area I liked so several hours later on my way to the pub I decided to check if I could move the car. As I got walked round the car I realised the passenger door was slightly open and the interior light was on. Turned out I hadn't closed that door properly..... stupid boy. However still no spaces so I left the car where it was after closing the door (and checking the other one! ). Sunday I go out and there are spaces so I jump in and crank the motor. It's very slow but does fire up. I drive all of 30 seconds and park the car, shut down and walk away. Yup, the battery didn't get recharged in that extremely short journey hence the story above. Stupid stupid boy....

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